With puffy eyes and Medusa Hair, I vent:

You know how when you are going on vacation or have a big, exciting event in the morning you are a bit restless all night with anticipation?

You know when you have restless nights for no god forsaken reason? And you dream about things that are really happening in your life, which totally just throws you for a huge loop [i.e. I dreamt about taking care of the dogs, and I am currently in charge of taking care of the dogs while the rest of the family is galavanting around on fabulous little trips. I also dreamt about work and trying to operate my mom’s Kiln (think: hottest oven EVER) and THAT, my friends should be considered a nightmare].

OH, but then at 8:00 am when you are ready to wake up and start your day, your body is ready to cocoon into the coziest mountain of duvet heaven and sleep like an 800 pound black bear in the dead of winter. Thank you, internal clock, for being a Royal Piece of Crap and letting me down on this one.

But hark, you have a job, young lady, this isn’t high school anymore where sleeping until mid afternoon is not only acceptable, but expected because of your whacked out hormones and unpleasant disposition should someone try to rouse you any earlier.

That annoying spaniel that is barking to go potty? He will not stop. Ever. His bladder is the size of a grape and YOU are in charge of keeping him fed and emptied.

And that golden retriever who has become so ready to pig out on some Science Diet that she is shoving her wet nose into your duvet mountain to stir the monster that you have become? She hasn’t even scratched the surface on what she is capable of doing to annoy you out of bed.

Ah, good morning, and thank you, Courtney, for having the good sense to brew a full, 12-cup pot of coffee even though you are solo in the Helman Household, save two cranky pooches. You will be needing every drop.